| My Little Pony Notes |
[11 Dec 2018|01:15am] |
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75% to 80% unlocked.
You get to enjoy my life free and easy. The locked parts are of course the sensitive issues that may land me in hot minestrone. Not exclusively friends-only, but friends get special VIP privileges of course.
Allora. Ci vediamo, beeyotches.
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| If I seek 5ive |
[18 Dec 2008|02:39am] |
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music |
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Smile - Lily Allen |
] |
I'm back at kfc.
See you there for now.
~~~ <33333
Not abandoning Frenchie Poo Poo, though I admit I used you for a while to keep my thoughts in my brain...
Now KFC WANTS ME TOO.
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| The last kiss |
[15 Dec 2008|11:00pm] |
St James. Uniform day. I was dressed up. Fun. Fun. Fun. I'm getting sick of clubbing already. Too much. 3 times in a week? I don't know why I bother.
My dear was there. I managed to pull both him and Andrew along. Muahahaha.
I'm supposed to be a sailor or nurse or whatever.
A lovebite not from me. I cried of course. I thought he didn't love me. But is it possible he's seeing other guys. I guess I'm OK with that, and I'll just live in my little world of 'everything's-fine' because I don't want to get more hurt and let paranoia get the better of me. Other than that, I'll just be blinded and see absolutely nothing wrong since all I see is just a smokescreen.
( Still fun though... :] )
Thou shalt do thy FYP.
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| What's my age again. |
[13 Dec 2008|03:37pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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Secret - Baby Vox Re.v |
] |
Hello. On Friday I went to school to help Jayne Madonna but I think most of the time was spent observing, playing Pokémon, shitting, dancing, and putting makeup for our Girls Night Out.
So Jayne Madonna, and Miss MJ and I, went to eat some nice spicy Ayam Penyet (Smashed Chicken Rice) at Lucky Plaza. I bumped into ZY earlier and actually he called me asking me to play with him.
So we did. Thanks for the cig Miss MJ!
Nonetheless ZY went home early and I was almost alone BUT an old friend of mine spent like a hundred bucks or something to buy so many drinks and being a good friend, I just drank a few cups. Like 5 or 6? And it's nice to see Fadhil has such a nice heart. Why does everybody care for me so much? I don't deserve your kindness. Someday I'll repay you all xD
Met lots of people before such as Sam, Phillip, Jamal, Sotong Eddie, Nana, Yaya, Diana, Andy... dunno if I got their name spellings right but they're a fun bunch.
I hate making a fool out of myself and being a drunk bitch. Ma allora, che cosa fare? (But well, what to do?)
In the end, the alcohol wasn't even finished. Oh my tian. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL funny night. They migrate from dancefloor to sofa to dancefloor to sofa, it's motherfucking funny.
Gorgeous modellesque features ... SAM! I think I told him he was handsome when I was drunk. And planted a kiss on his cheek. I think a few times that night, on many other people also. Why not mouth you ask? Because I don't dare ;) and because's he's a straight Malay boy. HAWT RIGHT, GRRRLS?
Shared a cab to Fadhil's house to cure my sick dizzy head and when I look into Sam's eyes, he's like a Prince Charming, especially when he says "Are you OK?" ... can turn me into a 13-year-old infatuated lil gal, putting my hands together and my eyes full of sparkle!!!
We then went for breakfast at Bukit Panjang; and they helped me fix the blurry night. Gosh it's like amnesia.
Big thanks to Fadhil and his company for taking care of me, a really bad drinker. I should know better, but at least I had fun. An angmoh even spoke to me, about being sober but it's still such a hole in my head.
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| Circu...lar...s |
[11 Dec 2008|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
I think I kinda love Livejournal lol.
Here is a picture from yesterday's dinner with my daddy and my ahma Yi Ling because her Torture* is about Golden Olympics for old people. I've believed that Yi Ling is an old soul, a term loosely coined by Simon Cowell to describe young singers with the personality and voice of the best soul singers.
Of course it ain't about singing now. It's Torture* baby.
( Of a broken mouse and back to O levels? )
As a last note, I thought Sam from tonight's Don't Forget the Lyrics [Singapore] episode was kind of good-looking.
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| Running away from blogspot... |
[11 Dec 2008|01:33am] |
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mood |
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indifferent |
] |
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music |
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Britney Spears - Amnesia |
] |
I have run away from my personal secret fetish. Firstly, a blog that was meant to be for some eyes only, are being exposed in ways I'll never fathom. Thanks to a friend for bringing light to me on the matter. And thanks to Nuffnang for the existence of referrals.
( The rest of the beginning of the end. Make it worthwhile. )
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| Was it in a dream? |
[02 Feb 2007|12:49pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
I don't remember, maybe it was in a dream, that I was feeling more vulnerable to falling for **ng **ng. We clasped our hands together (in the dream?)... nothing gay... Dunno whether I actually dreamt it or not.
I really don't know. Was it a dream? Daydream? Wish? I'm damn confused as fuck.
When I think of him, there's no lusty lusty IWANNASUCKYOURDICK types of feelings. It's more of "I slowly melt and overnight, I'll become a puddle" type of feeling. I know he's a romantic cat, I can sense it. He's cute. I like him. We've never spoken. But we should.
I'm rambling about shit again.
I'm in this "always looking for love" type of mood, and it will never end.
Guess I'm addicted to it.
Maybe it's because Valentine's Day is coming and I have yet to find a Valentine. Hmmm. Don't worry, something will prop up.
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| Probably wouldn't be this way |
[29 Jan 2007|08:51pm] |
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mood |
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 naughty |
] |
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music |
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Crush - Mandy Moore (appropriate coincidence) |
] |
It would be nice if he was mine. Would he be mine?
I don't want him to be my boyfriend, no sir-rey, I'd go all compulsive and be a possessive bitch. Ok, so, I'm just going to let nature take it's course, and whether I'd actually have the guts to make the first move.
I also don't want to think too much; otherwise, I'd be jinxing my chances.
I just find him very charming.
I know he likes me.
I KNOW IT.
It's been obvious he's been trying to get my attention since the first day.
I'm trying to be more receptive.
Anyway, innocent unadulterated flirting can do no harm, right?
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| You end it. You end it. |
[26 Jan 2007|09:22pm] |
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mood |
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crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Flying Duck - Cherry Filter |
] |
Today... no guys were hot.
Probably because I wasn't hot today, either.
Long way to go, honey, you're barely legal.
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| It all falls apart. |
[29 Dec 2006|03:18am] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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SupaLove |
] |
Sadness overwhelms me sometimes and "The Last Song I'm Wasting on You" plays in my mind. It's by Evanescence. I refill customers' water with tears in my eyes.
As each day passes...
The messages get lesser...
The feelings get weaker...
The love barely holds on
Such a pulsating diaphragm once
Now is a feeble glow of desperation
You came to me, and gave me a slight pinch. What's that supposed to mean? You love me? You express your love to me by pinching? I'm sorry, I don't feel it, even for a second it makes me a bit relieved, but you know, you can't run away forever. The truth will always stay. Maybe you'll tell me something. Maybe you won't be so secretive.
I'm your boyfriend after all. Tell me whatever's on your mind.
But not to the extent of saying bad things about me in front of my face AND behind my back.
The words you spoke to me haunt me badly.
Weird...
Fake...
Uncomfortable...
Eccentric...
It's your nature...
And all the "I have to tell you something"s.
I can't take it. I'm not so tolerant as to hear all this shit. Sometimes, my numbness is an act. Sometimes, my numbness is true. Most of the time, I don't know why I'm numb. How I'm numb. I just numb. How. How do I do it.
Act stupid.
Act blur.
I can do that.
Maybe I'm just an act. Maybe I'm wearing a mask. Maybe I'm a good actor, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just a mystery waiting to be solved. Maybe I'm just a mystery that's just unsolvable to the depths of Mulan. I have no fucking clue.
I'm so depressed now.
Bottom line..
Do you still love me or not?
Did you ever love me?
You're so afraid to even type "I love you" in all 8 letters; all you could muster was "ilu".
Did you like me?
Have you ever liked me?
Because I liked you. I liked you the first time I saw you.
I loved you... the feeling grew. The feeling's even stronger now. I know I love you, because when you're gone, there's something missing. Something in my chest. Something called my "heart".
Do you love me? When you don't get to see me, do you feel empty, just like I do? When you anticipate my SMSes (which I press very slow), do you fret every second that passes without a response?
I'll never know the answers.
I dare not ask.
I would just like to pretend to be stupid.
Maybe that's the solution I can pretend to make it to be.
But I know it really isn't.
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| A story about gay love. |
[30 Nov 2006|09:40am] |
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mood |
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sad |
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A true story. Gay love.
"I could still vaguely remember my first love... i was 17... i was straight but confused...
i knew this guy during the first day of my life in JC... we were waiting for the assembly to commence... he was standing at one corner and i was like at the other corner... we begun to stare at one another... the moment i caught my eye on him likewise... him too... it was like love at first sight... his big eyes sparkled... he was gorgeous though short for his height... he smiled at me... a charming and a charismatic one... but i didn't smile back... kinda shy though... my heart was like thinking... hmm... i will see him everyday at least for two years... no rush...
hahax... while we were at the assembly... i lost him... i was looking around... kinda desperate... my heart pounding.... racing... thought i'll never see him again... sigh...
i went to my allocative class... found a sit and sat there pondering... outta the sudden, there was a tap on my shoulder... i looked up...
"can i sit next to you?"... i was utterly shocked it was him...
" Hi... my name is Andrew..." i smiled... i was actually smiling inside...
Days past... we became best friend... we would stick to each other... everywhere we go... talk abt everything under the sun... fought around... laughed abt... disturbed our classmates... to everyone, we were inseperable like buddy... but then again... he has a gf so was i...
so nobody ever gossip that we were behaving like gays... months past... my feelings started to grow for him... i would think of him day and night... helped him with his homework... cared for him... listened attentively to every word he said... so did him... sometimes we would just stared at each other and never said anything... gazing into one another like we were lovers... sort of... soon the exam was drewing near...
one fine day... he asked me to go to his house to help him with his homework... i agreed without hesistation... soon we were in his room... i was teaching him mathematics... outta the sudden he stared at me... i looked back... unexpectedly he just confessed to me he had a strong feeling for me... he didn't know why... he felt attracted to me... likewise i confessed to him abt my feelings as well...
finally, we opened our hearts to one another... the day finally came... i was overjoyed... my heart was racing... my mind went blank after my sudden confession... without much hesistation... slowly we just leaned towards one another... and we kissed... it was my first kiss with a guy and it was awesome... in the end, we made love... something like i never felt before... though we didn't really know wad to do to one another initially... but soon it just came naturally... after that, i left his place... i thought to myself i think i'm in love...
eventually we broke up with our gfs... had wad we called a private affair... a relationship that we cherished and shared... we truly loved each other deeply... and this continued till my second year in JC... nobody suspected anything... we were discreet..
soon... an unfortunate thing happened... he had to drop out of school cos his result was very bad and was expelled... i was devastated... to my horror, another unfortunate thing happened... his family wanna send him to Australia for further study.... i was torned aparted... on the day at the airport to send him off... we went to the gents... hided in one of the cubicles... we hugged and cried... i didn't really wanna see him go... he didnt wanna leave me either... but we had no choice... we had our last kiss... the last words from him were " I have never regret knowing you... confessing to you... it was the best time of my life... and you know something, i truly honestly love you"... i was touched...
eventually... he left.... days past... months past... years past... we lost touch... i couldn't find him anymore... he just disappeared... i cried most of the time... thinking of him... reminiscing the past... the time we had spent together... it was just great... but he was gone... till now, i never see him again... nobody not even my ex-classmates know where he is now... all i wanna say is... it was my first love... the one i will always remember deep in my heart... though i'll never see him again... i hope, in my heart, that he remembers me too...
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| It's an obsession |
[29 Nov 2006|07:37pm] |
Just like Fitrah is obsessed with dancing...
I'm obsessed with swimming.
No, wait.
Or is it fitness?
Or is it swimming?
Bla. I swam AGAIN. But I just swam YESTERDAY. But you know, I think I'm not only obsessed, I'm freaking ADDICTED.
Swim swim swim.
Catch breath for 5 seconds then swim again. Wa lao. But wow I can already see the effects it has on my body. It's giving me a chest! Oh my Lord! I'm no longer flat-chested anymore! And it's so taut... so manly, can.
Oh shit la. I think I might be obsessed with this ... swimming.
Which is not a bad thing. And my skin won't get black either; I swim in the evening. Smart huh. And the entrance fee is 50 cents for me on weekdays! Yay. Because I'm not 18 yet. Haha. Smart huh. I was gong enough to pay $1 three times.
OK, all I'm talking about is swimming swimming swimming. So boring to read, right?
Fine. I'll talk about my deafness.
Today, I was deaf enough that I couldn't hear the alarm in my watch. Till Yee Han had to tell me. Oh, and I think I'm bonding well with my new colleagues.
Secondly, I was deaf enough till I forced myself to buy new headphones. But the device makes me ear pop out and gives the illusion that I look like fucking Minnie Mouse. Fucking big black ears. Serious. Serious. SERIOUS! Stop laughing.
And max volume in my MP3 is no use, I'm still as deaf as a rock.
Oh yes.
My worry for this week is... NOT the calendar assignment.
It's actually how to do opening for both weekend morning shifts... and be S1 for both. What the hell.
I have NEVER been S1 for BREAKFAST.
NOW do you understand?
And I've worked how long in Cartel, tell me.
Maybe Dorothy feels that it's finally time... :)
Soon, I'll be P5? Or Bar? Or Cashier? Or Dessert? Or Duty Runner? Or Inventory Manager? Or Duty Manager? Or Dorothy?
So so fun.
Hmm. Seems like only two things matter in my life right now...
Swimming and Cartel.
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| Daze |
[28 Nov 2006|06:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
Club club club
Please join me at TP Sports Complex for Jam and Hop II on 1 December.
I like to go swimming. I burn so many calories. And gets me a nice chest as well. I'm loving my chest. A few more sessions and careful eating = great bod. Lol.
I like to work. Not only do I get money, but I also burn calories. Train my arm, train my social skills.
I'm heading to Eleazar's place later to "help" her with the calendar.
I doubt I'll finish mine at all.
Gah. Sob sob.
I'm so obsessing over my fitness right now. I want such a sexy body, that any guy will die for. The bad thing is, I'm deaf in both ears right now. Fuck.
I'll update when I get this over with.
EDIT: So, OK, Eleazar changed her plans, after I applied my sexy night perfume.
Ooh, all I can think about is sexiness.
Oh, geez, do I want to change myself into a sex God all of a sudden?
Hm. Maybe.
Anyway, my nose has red blotches of sunburn-ness, I hate it so much. Damn you class outing. Damn you to hell. Why couldn't it have been bowling instead? Waaaaa.
Now my night perfume is making me drowsy.
Like duh, it's night perfume after all.
I think I'mma go to sleep now..
Bye.
Zz.
NO WAIT.
I'm supposed to do my calendar. Aren't I? Aren't I?
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| Lord have mercy on me please. |
[26 Nov 2006|02:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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envious |
] |
Sigh. I had a wet dream today.
Because I realise...
I can no longer maintain an erection.
And yes, I dreamt about having sex with a gay on a bench in a field/forest at night.
I think that spell somewhat-backfired on me and made me cum in my blanket.
I think 5 of the most important matters in my life are...
1) My love. I want to get in a relationship so badly, I can't tell you how much I long for someone. I'm always talking about it, and nothing really happens in the end. Disappointed with myself. I am the definition of "hopeless romantic". Maybe I need to make the first move... I always doubt myself with my abilities... hmm.
2) My fitness. There's no PE in poly. Sucks. But hey now, Fitrah said I live next to the swimming pool... so, yay. Utilize that please. There's nothing better than burning calories in a pool of water; where my sweat can blend with the water and I got good view of almost-nude guys. Yes, I only swim when there's no Sun.
3) My looks. I am so vain. No further comments.
As you can see, school and work are not as high a priority, but they still do matter, and that completes the 5 most important matters in my life.
I'm off to get ready for work now.
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| The reunion |
[26 Nov 2006|12:18am] |
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It was so sad that 4E1's reunion turned out to be quite small, but the company was great. I loved it, till I went and stupidly applied Billy's tanning lotion to my face, and now, my face has a great consistent shade of brown.
And so do my arms. I feel like a dragon-boater; without the rowing. Haaa.
Eeyer.
My white shirt looked gay, I meant to achieve that look -- Kenneth and Andy were on the spot. *blinks*
Thank you Yan Miao, Fitrah, Andy, Azizah, Kenneth, Aaron, Pearline, Najeeb, Suhaila, Gerald for an amazing day. Power to 4E1 and Palawan Beach.
Did I mention Aaron's hair was identical to mine in terms of dye? So couple. Haha.
Just kidding.
The men's changing room disturbed me though. This group of gays (I can't tell whether they were really gay or not, surprisingly) were bathing together (as in, showeing as a group, like the 6 of me+myboyclassmates did), then this 1 gay popped up a camera and started taking photos of his other gay mates.
Heeheehee! Chao gay... and green + blackstripes trunks. Wahaha.
Kenneth like to act gay around me: touch my waist la, etc etc.
No no no please.
I only allow my boyfriend to do that to me. Whoever he is, because I, for one, have no clue.
VivoCity rocked, and Azizah's weight (gain) didn't. And Azizah loved playing the _(something)__ + __(something)__ = ___(something totally unrelated)___
But now I know the formula; and now it's fun.
So sad now... all I can think about is my phuture boyfriend -- whoever he is, wherever he is. Actually, there's an "underaged" party at MOS tomorrow/tonight-with-regard-to-12:15AM ... but the shitty thing is, I'm working till 10 PM tomorrow. Hmph.
( Another ritualistic chant )
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| I just farted, and I know it. |
[24 Nov 2006|12:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
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exanimate |
] |
I PLAY SUDOKU ON MY HANDPHONE WHEN I'M ON THE BUS!
Today I ate...
1 Chicken Pie
10 Hello Kitty Marshmellows
1 cup of 7-Up (at work)
Then after 12 midnight, I had a super tiny small helping of rice plus mutton, half a potato and some more meat.
AND LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER. How do I feel now, after eating the rice? Not hungry, yet, not yet full.
Ok, not say anorexic. Gosh, I would want to be anything but.
Today, worked with Elenda, like finally. I broke a soup handle, while she broke many more (plates). How can we not. It was a very stressful, busy workday, and she mainly did S2, while the dishes piled up like you can't imagine.
But it was fun being Order Taker -- even though I didn't key a lot, and I guided customers even less.
Geez. Why is Michelle always in my shift. Not that she's a bad person, she's actually a great supervisor/dutymanager, and she has these beautifully carved lips, if I'd believe it, I'd almost say she had surgery done to make her lips so taut and perfect brown.
I just miss my other colleagues.. AhBa, Lisa, gosh, even Pei Yi.
oo.
Ok fine. I'm going to suffer in class tomorrow "doing my InDesign." Which I feel is a useless piece of shit software that Adobe made. Wahaha.
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| I'm at school. |
[23 Nov 2006|09:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 embarrassed |
] |
Yup, I'm at school, whatever the title says, and here's what I typed in inDesign.
I am one with the dinosaurs, I am the gracious vivacious lady of Denmark, who proves that sex is not the key to happiness. Fantasies are. For you see, fantasies are what makes the human brain function *well*. This is because the familiarity and the likes are typical to the hypothermic reactions of the bodily functions. Thus, we are proving to society that women can definitely reach out to prose and proverb and continue working with Standley to make a delicious plate of spaghetti and brownie shavings. In conclusion, we are not a casino, we are an Integrated Resort.
Zhi Wen is here, in this room.
I've been wanting to get him to teach me inDesign.
But I'm too shy to ask.
Since he's a boy.
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| I gotta know. |
[22 Nov 2006|04:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
Yay. I finally have a LiveJournal. Well, not finally, actually. I used to have one, as a ways of Role Playing, but now, I'm moved.
And also..
Paul Ernest practically killed blogspot. I shouldn't really care; but I do. Plus, it's nice to change scenery once in a while, right? =)
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french_gay's journal
